its been years since ive logged onto this tumblr account, or tumblr in general. during my time on this platform, i went through the roughest patch of my life. three of my very close family members passed away unexpectedly, leaving 13 year old me with a lot of unanswered questions. my life completely changed so suddenly. since i was only 13, i couldnt comprehend what was happening and i sadly took all of my pent up frustration, sadness, and anger on myself. i continued to do this for years.
as i was still trying to figure out why god took three of my family members away from me, my family broke the news to me that we were going to move away from all of my friends and go to high school in a different city. i got told this news 3 months after the deaths that were in my family, around my 14th birthday. i pretended like i was excited, and that everything was okay.
once we moved into our new house, it was only 2 weeks before my first day of high school. a school where everyone already knew each other. i attended my previous school for 9 years, with the same 30 kids from the year before. the amount of anxiety i was feeling when the first day of school came around was a type of anxiety i will quite never feel again. i threw up before getting on the bus, i begged my mom to not make me get on the bus.
she made me go anyways.
i knew that i needed to make at least one friend. i made that one friend, and her name is Maddy. i will always be so thankful i asked her for directions. we sat together at lunch that day, and for the weeks following.
one day at lunch, before the long labor day weekend, a tall boy with brown eyes sat down at our lunch table filled with other kids that didn’t really fit in anywhere else. he told us that some kid named Nick was pissing him off at the table he was sitting at, so he moved to our table.
I asked the brown eyed boy what his name was, and he said his name is Avery. suddenly, Avery is my new favorite name.
Avery and i talked about music. i remember asking him if he liked the band Bad Suns who was, at the time, my favorite band of all time. he said yes, and i remember feeling butterflies. he then asked me if i like King Krule, which of course i had to lie and say that i did because i didnt want him to think i wasnt cool, which i soon found out that he also lied about even knowing who Bad Suns was for the same reasons.
we swapped tumblrs and continued to talk during the long labor day weekend. I remember being at a concert (young the giant), wishing my phone would buzz and it would be a new message from Avery. I will never forget the feeling i felt when my phone did buzz, and it was in fact the brown eyed boy sending me a song to listen to.
i listened to that song over, and over, and over. Courtney Barnett quickly became a new favorite of mine.
after that long weekend, i was so nervous to see him at school again. the butterflies were taking over, he was all i could think about. that morning, we ran into each other and he didnt notice it was me but i surely noticed him. i will never forget that moment, thinking “oh my gosh its him!!!!!”
shortly after that, Avery became my boyfriend. he helped me through the worst part of my life. he was the most supportive, caring, and wholesome boyfriend ever. he constantly made me feel like i was worth something, because to him, i was priceless.
today, Avery is no longer my boyfriend, he is my fiancé.
i am so thankful my mom made me get on the bus.
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now, i am 22, i live on my own, i recuse fiv+ cats, and i am in college. i work a cool job where i met my best friend, and i wake up excited every day. i wake up excited to talk to my friends, to pet my cats, to eat delicious food, to see beautiful places and best of all, i get to do all of these things with Avery, my handsome fiance.
at 13, i didnt think i was even going to make it to 22. shout out to myself for overcoming the worst, for keeping my body unharmed, and for opening up about the need for help.
receiving help for mental health is cool and you should do it, too <3
